This page is to share Experiences about the universal phenomenon of men denying their universal sexual need for men -- even in privacy, even when they give vent to it secretly and without acknowledging it, or otherwise hide or suppress it.
This is immaterial of how strongly men feel this desire. This conditioning of men is the same in most parts of the 'civilised' world.
I have a friend I hang out with alot. He gets infatuated with girls alot and can't ever suceed at getting them and so we have to talk alot about that. He had told me in the past that he had some "gay experiences", but they seemed to involve nothing more than (probably a gay) male boss coming on to him, and watching porn movies "with guys in it.". ONe of his male friends makes fun of his lack of success with girls by accusing him of being "gay". So I tell him, "Dude, you're NOT gay!! Do you fantasize about men sexually?? " I was pretty sure I was going to get a "no" to this. But he paused and said.... "well... i have in the past, ..but... that's not me, that's just not me." I didn't know what to say. I still reassured him he wasn't gay.
Hello Ken, As we have learnt at this site, sexual need between men is not about being gay, even if it is defined by the heterosexual society as such. Gay is about the queer (feminine/ third sex) guy's sexual need about men (or about other feminine males). Even in the Western society, in practice it comes down to that -- and the straight world correctly senses this, and treats it as such. That's why your friend and most of us have difficulty thinking of us as 'gays'. What would really benefit your friend and the rest of the straight men is to know this fact, that we can like men without having to leave the men's space and identity, without having to take up the third sex space and identity. Of course, that means that the Western definitions will have to change one day, too. But till then the enlightened and brave men living in the West can be rebels and change the definitions on their own. Others will surely follow one day. It is no doubt easier for us living in the orient, since the 'gay' identity has not been fully implanted here as yet. But if we don't fight back, it will.
I have a friend I hang out with alot. He gets infatuated with girls alot and can't ever suceed at getting them and so we have to talk alot about that. He had told me in the past that he had some "gay experiences", but they seemed to involve nothing more than (probably a gay) male boss coming on to him, and watching porn movies "with guys in it.".
ReplyDeleteONe of his male friends makes fun of his lack of success with girls by accusing him of being "gay". So I tell him, "Dude, you're NOT gay!! Do you fantasize about men sexually?? " I was pretty sure I was going to get a "no" to this. But he paused and said.... "well... i have in the past, ..but... that's not me, that's just not me." I didn't know what to say. I still reassured him he wasn't gay.
Hello Ken,
ReplyDeleteAs we have learnt at this site, sexual need between men is not about being gay, even if it is defined by the heterosexual society as such. Gay is about the queer (feminine/ third sex) guy's sexual need about men (or about other feminine males). Even in the Western society, in practice it comes down to that -- and the straight world correctly senses this, and treats it as such.
That's why your friend and most of us have difficulty thinking of us as 'gays'.
What would really benefit your friend and the rest of the straight men is to know this fact, that we can like men without having to leave the men's space and identity, without having to take up the third sex space and identity.
Of course, that means that the Western definitions will have to change one day, too. But till then the enlightened and brave men living in the West can be rebels and change the definitions on their own. Others will surely follow one day.
It is no doubt easier for us living in the orient, since the 'gay' identity has not been fully implanted here as yet. But if we don't fight back, it will.